The Holidays Are Over

...and School is back in session

As a spur of the moment and far overdue resolution, I decided an hour ago (as of this writing), to try and keep myself to a schedule for posting.  I will fail at this, as I have with all other resolutions, including the time I decided to lose weight in seventh grade, and took "before" pictures of myself New Years Eve for the impending "after".  There never was an after.  I was back to soda and cheeseburgers within the week.

Got engaged over Christmas break (and it is CHRISTMAS break.  Not that I don't respect the rest of you, but I tend to vote with the majority).  Alien proposed on the 22nd while we were out looking at holiday lights.  It was very mushy gushy and I bawled and it was wonderful, but I'm not here to talk to you today about love and steak dinners and blue diamond rings (though they may have their day here at some point)  Today I'm here to discuss my guilty pleasure.  I play Facebook Apps.

Pictured: Treachery and Deceit

Even now I am restocking my supplies in Cityville (and isn't it always SOMETHINGville?  Zynga made half the stinking games, you'd think they would liven up the titles a bit). Despite my greatest efforts and Alien's... shall we say "discouragement", I can't pin down what it is about these silly fifteen-minute-a-pop games attracts me.  What I can pin down is this:

Why "Social Networking Games" are More Like a Boomerang Boyfriend Than a Legitimate Form of Entertainment

I feel as though I should start this section with the definition of a Boomerang Boyfriend, as it is a concept urban dictionary has failed to define.  Imagine a girl from your high school, middle school, or equivilant crowded young-person location.  She might be a girly girl, a woe-is-me emo kid, or even a preppy cheerleader.  The trait they all share is the astonishing inability to learn from past mistakes.  They home in on a single boy to claim as their own, and despite the way he treats her (be it complete ignorance to actual abuse), she just keeps coming back for more.  The boy she is dating is a boomerang boyfriend.  Facebook Apps are similar to these unfortunate couples in a few ways.

I realize my writing style may alienate some of the Y's out there, so just bare with me.  Or just replace the "BB"s with "BG"s

BB's and FB Apps are both masters of the Bait and Switch.

Face it, SOMETHING about the guy attracted the girl in the first place.  For the boy, it might have been good looks or a particularly effective pick-up line.  For the app, it  it's pretty colors and quickly earned levels.  Either way, it isn't long before it dumps you into a world of monotony.  At first it seems like a low time commitment, but the minutes add up.  Before you know it, you're skipping big time commitments, like watching your favorite soap opera, and forgetting to eat.  Eventually it shall be all consuming.  But the unwitting one within the situation is blind to this.

It's demanding.

Just like a BB, FB Apps love keeping you to a schedule.  The expect you to check in every four hours ON the hour, or there'll be hell to pay.  BB's punish time spent away with searing remarks and a harsher schedule to keep their girlfriend to, where apps tend to just do something silly like wither your crops.  But you planted those dang things, and you want the experience from them, cause it really isn't your fault Aunt Bert came to visit for the week and swept you off to the antique store.  But the BB and the FB App don't care.  All they know is they were expecting you, and you fell short of their expectations.

It isn't there for you when you want it.

On the flip side, a BB and a FB App isn't always keen on an spending an evening together.  Even though it wants you there when IT needs you, it just doesn't have the stamina to put up with you for too long.  A game isn't a very efficient form of spending your leisure time if it "runs out of energy" ten minutes in.  

They aren't really good for anything.

Apps use no strategy, very little problem solving, and absolutely no luck.  Really, they're just a filler in your life.  Similarly, you tell yourself that you're keeping a BB around because he's reassuring, and he's just misunderstood, etc, etc.  But when you get down to brass tacks, the BB isn't really DOING anything.  He's just kind of... there.

They irritate all of your friends.

Sure they'll tolerate the annoyance.  They won't be mean to your face, because they want to be supportive, since it seems to make you happy.  But in the end, they wish you would just drop the habit.  You know they aren't good for you, so why waste your time?

I have taken my third hiatus from FB Apps.  May I never go back to them.  Amen.